Each of my own sacred journeys has been wildly different. One of the things I’ve learned is that you can’t have an overly specific intention going in. If you do, you’ll likely be disappointed. It’s not that the plant medicines have control over you. They help access what is important in the moment. They reveal you – to you. Some people call it “remembering you.”
Take night 1 of 2 on this retreat. It was shortly after my mother’s death – for the two weeks prior, I sat by Mom’s side on her deathbed, fielding final Facetime calls from her teary grandchildren, then travelling with her body to Cleveland and speaking at her funeral.
So that night, I expected a journey of intense grief…for what was and for what wasn’t in Mom’s own life…for what she gave me that I will miss…and also, for she was never able to give me that I have always missed. I especially thought the tears would gush as I dropped into the sacrament, when the Hebrew Kabbalistic song, Ana B’Koach, always played on the facilitator’s familiar, spiritually-varied soundtrack. After all, Hebrew was Mom’s intense love.
Nope. IT’S NEVER WHAT I EXPECT.
As the waves of intense music rolled over me, my eyes remained dry and I felt my heart expanding with love. “I AM LOVE,” me said to me, “Don’t be sad. Don’t cry. Don’t be mournful. Instead, fill the world with love in every moment you remain alive.”
Like everything, it’s a work in progress. But, it’s a message that I welcome.
